Get on with it already!

Recently I’ve had a front row seat to watching two people who are close to me wrestle with Christianity. They are both very similar in their personalities and neither of them is willing to grant God the control He desires in their lives. I stand back in amazement at both of them. I just can’t understand where they are. I really try to be there for them and answer their questions, but I am really having trouble relating.


I really don’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t a Christian. I DO remember well times in my life when I tried to be in control, but I was a Christian, just a “Backslidin’ Baptist” as we’re called. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, I’ve chosen many wrong paths and I done many things I am not very proud of, but through all of those God has been with me. He carried me sometimes, held me sometimes, walked beside me sometimes and just generally was there for me always. To say He has protected me is understatement, He has blessed me way beyond what I deserve and continues to do so daily.

One of the people I’m watching thinks that being a Christian and having faith means all doubts are erased. You never doubt again. I know that isn’t true, I’ve seen all kinds of mature Christians doubt. One of Jesus’ own disciples doubted his resurrection, and that earned him the moniker ‘Doubting Thomas’. Abraham doubted, Noah doubted, Moses doubted, Jonah doubted and yet they all play important roles in our faith. They are all held up as examples of good and faithful servants.

The other believes she is not good enough to be loved, by anyone especially God. That one is easy for me, none of us are. That’s what makes Jesus’ death on the cross so spectacular. Christians are not perfect, we are just forgiven. When God looks at us he looks through the lens of Jesus. And as Christians we reflect Him not ourselves. He sees the Perfect and Holy One, not our sinful selves.

I get frustrated as I watch them both struggle through their lives trying to be all things to everyone and never relying on the One through which all things are possible. They both need to be all to everyone because then they believe they are in control of their lives, but they really aren’t, it’s an illusion – or delusion as the case may be. They believe giving up control is perhaps the worst thing they could ever do.

They think becoming a Christian means something it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean missing your old life, leaving your old friends and becoming someone different than who you are. It means living with a peace that surpasses all understanding. It means giving your troubles, burdens and heaviness to God. But it also means giving Him the credit for your successes, your joys and your wins. It means following Him, allowing Him to drive and leaning on Him before you have tried everything else.

Prayer is not a 9-1-1 call, it’s not a last ditch effort, it’s not even a Plan B. It’s Plan A and there is no Plan B. It’s trusting Him to give you what you need. It’s trusting Him to be in control. This isn’t necessarily easy for me, but I’m getting better with it (most days). I just wish I could get them to understand you’re not a Christian because you’ve become a saint, you’re a Christian because you’re a sinner.

Three little prayers

1- I feel God is calling me to do more, be more. I'm not sure what He wants me to do, and I'm praying for His guidance. I'll keep you guys posted on this.

2- The Princess got moved to red again at school yesterday. She was throwing Cheerios at Snack time. This behavior concerns me. I'm beginning to think we may have made a mistake keeping her in this school for Kindergarten. The more I interact with many of the children the less I see the types of boundries we have. I'm not convinced that Sarah will finish her Kindergarten year here. I do need lots of prayers on this one.

4- Last night was Back to School night for the Boo Man. Boo's teacher seems to be very energetic and tolerant. These are 2 very good qualities for a teacher of Boo. Jay-bone had this same teacher for 4th grade. He is also energetic. I did not have any issues with this teacher and Jay, here's hoping Boo does just as well.

Sorry about the three posts today. I had somethings bouncing around in my head and at first I was just going to do one long post, but it became unmanageable.

TV Rant ahead.

Monday night my sons were very excited about the return of the CBS Monday night shows. My husband and I had discussed them over the summer and were not sure how we would handle it, we feel some of them are becoming a bit too mature for especially my 9 year old, but also the older 2. So with that thought in mind, we sat down on Monday Night.

The show on at 8PM "How I met your mother..." ended with an uncomfortably long make out session between two women. No I do not feel that is appropriate veiwing for my 9 year old. No I would not feel it was appropriate if it was a man and woman who were also not married. And yes I was uncomfortable sitting there watching it with my teenage sons. Quite frankly long drawn out sexual scenes are unnecessary especially in Prime Time TV.

The show at 8:30 PM "Rules of Engagement" features a dog of a man who beds every woman he comes into the most casual of contact with. Generally it isn't raunchy though and it relies more on innuendo than actual sex. And Russell is made out to be a not very nice human being. He's not a "good guy" clearly. In addition many other characters point out that his behavior is not acceptable.

Finally the show at 9PM is the one we felt the most cautious about. "Two and a half men" has gone completely raunchy. Charlie an alcoholic, womanizing, professional playboy is the successful one, the happy one, the one to be envied. His brother, Alan, who really just longs for a stable marriage is the pitied one, the doofus little brother, if you will. Our family has watched Jake, who is Alan's son grow up in a divorced situation living in a home part time with Alan and Charlie. Jake is 16 now and the show opened up to Alan crawling out a woman's bed so their kids would not find out they were "dating" because he really wasn't sure where it was going. He comes home to find Charlie passed out on his stairs in his underwear, and while discussing this 2 girls sneak out of Jake's room. Instead of stopping the girls, and pulling Jake out of bed, they (Alan & Charlie) discuss whether he was having a threesome or an orgy. At this point we turned off the TV for the night.

So if someone unfamilar with American culture was introduced to it by these 3 shows, they would be horribly confused. They would have to wonder how we as Americans get anything done, between our constant casual sex. And is this the message we want our children to see? Why do shows have to do this? Why can't we enjoy TV with our kids? Monday night has now become family game night for us. Thanks CBS.

The dream

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV


Last night God woke me up to share that Bible Verse with me. I've read it before. The first part is a favorite of Karen Kingsbury's and she uses it in many of her novels. The first verse tells us all what God wants to do for us. The 2nd and 3rd verses tell us what we have to do to receive his promises. I've fallen away lately. Over the past 2 years, I have not been the Christian God has called me to be.


I have tried to control my own life. I have tried to manage my life. I was saying to God "Thanks for the offer but really, I've got this." Last night he woke me from the dead of sleep with a very simple message, "No, Elisabeth, I've got this." And with that simple statement I let it all go. All the worries, all the stresses, all the fears, I let it go. And I have a lightness of being I haven't felt in so many years.


I'm currently working a job. It's not a bad job, it's actually a pretty good job. It's definitely an easy job. So easy, in fact, I get bored. I wanted to quit. I wanted a challenge, I wanted to feel useful. Add to that I'm consulting and not getting paid regularly. The paying part was very frustrating. The company was being very difficult. The company was quite behind in paying me. I was worried. I was paying for all the associated costs of working but not getting paid. It was causing us finanancial strain.


I don't do well with financial strain. When I'm stressed, I shop. If I'm stressed and cannot shop, I get more stressed. And usually that manifests itself into a huge pounding migraine.

Yesterday morning I was at the breaking point. I was yelling at my husband and he was yelling back. We decided we had a plan. I was going to find another job, and he was going to find a lawyer to sue this company for breach of contract. He was going to call them and give them the what-for as soon as he got to work. He didn't have much on calendar yesterday anyway. The more we drove in seperate cars coming up with this plan the more my head hurt. But wait we had a plan now, my head shoul,d not have been hurting. I should have felt relief not stress. I should be feeling better not worse. I mean this company had it coming to them. They did not behave as Christians, they did not keep their word and I was suffering.

And then a funny thing happened. My headache got so bad I had to leave work and go home. No all out searching for a job for me. Meanwhile, my husband's "one little thing" on calendar took all day to resolve. He never got the chance to make that phone call. He was so busy he couldn't even take a call from the company when they called to let him know they were releasing another check.

Yesterday afternoon, we decided to wait it out. But next time we were definitely doing it. I mean after all they were still 9 weeks past due. Yeah they paid so what, they still owe. ALOT. But my headache finally began to ease up.

And so, God seeing that he had not gotten my attention decided to interrupt my sleep last night with a beautiful and comforting dream. And he decided to tell me, "I've got this." I still don't know what his plans are. But I do know he will reveal to me what I need to know when I need to know it. Even if it's in the dead of night.

I also know that he is the God of the Universe and he can handle anything. And he wants to. I just have to Let go and Let God.

Rex the duck and other "aminals".

My 5 year old daughter has a duck. He is yellow and on wheels, a very typical non-descript child's pull toy. I got him for her before she was born.

She named him Rex. I expected her to ditch Rex long ago. He's not pink, he's not flashy and he does nothing -- except follow her when she pulls him. In her world, however, loyalty is rewarded. He isn't her favorite, but he is her longest lasting interest. He is also the first one she named and the longest to have the same name.

The other day when she went looking for her slippers she found her red cowgirl boots. So she put those on. She also found her pink Easter hat, so she put that on. And to complete the outfit, she pulled out Rex.

She began walking around the house in this get up and found the most willing playmate around -- Daddy.

"Hi, I'm Mary, it's very nice to meet you." she says to her Daddy. (her name isn't Mary, btw)

"Hi Mary, I'm the Daddy. And who do you have with you?"

"Hi, the Daddy, this is Rex. He's my guard duck." --Imagination is strong in this one.

Rex has had surgery over the years. His wheels have come off. He's also had a bath, and in spite of that he has a blue mark across his back from a run in with a dry erase marker. He has stood his ground with a 100-lb German Shepherd Dog and a 15-lb Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Maybe he is a guard duck after all.

On to the other aminals promised in this post. I say aminals because that's what The Princess calls them. It makes me smile to think of the words the children have used incorrectly. Jaybone always had "mennies" not money. And The Boo Man did not have dump trucks, but I can't write what he did have.

Jaybone had a Ty Ostrich named Stretch. Actually that's not entirely correct. Jaybone had multiple Ty Beanie baby Ostriches named Stretch and one large Stretch. Stretch was one of his favorites, because as you can see the neck makes a perfect handle for tossing it up in the air. Which brings us to why he had so many. He tossed them up in the air. They landed on roofs. The roofs of South Eastern PA are littered with Ty Ostriches.

I fully expected Stretch to be one of Jay's take to college Stuffed Aminals. Which is why I was surprised to find Stretch in a box in the garage. I passed Stretch on to The Princess. Stretch has survived so much, a cardboard box in the garage is not a fitting end to Stretch.

Last night during bedtime story time, she was holding Stretch, by the neck. I half expect to be told Stretch is on the roof. I also half expect Jay to retreive him for her.

When confronted about Stretch in the box, J explained that he kept his Meowth. Stretch is about 8 inches high, and 4-5 inches wide, when sitting. Meowth is 17 inches high and 12 inches wide and most of that is his head. I fully understand why he chose to keep Meowth -- okay not so much.

Meowth, for the uninitiated, is the cat that was the "pet" of the bad guys (Team Rocket) on the Pokemon Cartoon. J's version of Meowth no longer has fangs. I think he also has a mark from a run-in with a Dry Erase Marker. Meowth makes the cut every time we redecorate Jay's room. Meowth will be hated by his wife someday. And for the record --I don't blame her.

Where does it go?

I caught you last night playing in your play house when you were supposed to be in bed. You knew you were caught, and you flashed that anger melting smile. And I knew I was had. Your brothers did the same thing. But then they grew up.

The Boo Man said once when we were driving to my work and his daycare "I think God will make it snow tomorrow so we can stay home." Does he still have that connection with God? Does he still feel he can talk to him?

Jaybone had the most mischevious little smile when he was your age. He also had beautiful blonde curls all over his head. He could get away with murder. He loved to hug and loved to punch his brother even more. He still loves to punch his brother. Does he still love to hug?

I'll never forget as long as I live D sitting in the floor of the Dining room of the house on Evans Street and making up Halloween stories using his tape player with a microphone. I know he still loves writing stories and I know he still loves Halloween. But it isn't the same.

9, (almost) 15, and 16. Where did they go -- Those preschoolers with the "come on world" attitude? Are they lost forever like the Rugrats ski cap Jay insisted on wearing in July or the Yellow Pokemon Game Boy Color D learned to read playing? Or the Yellow shirt, black pants and black shoes (aka. Greg Wiggle Costume) Boo wore for 2 years?

Will they find the innocence and confidence and joy God gives again? Can I keep you from losing it? Can I insulate you from the peer pressure and disappointments? Can your father and I grant you the faith and confidence only God can give?

How do I build your faith after Veggie Tales fade into your history?

D-Day Part 2

My baby, the baby of the family, started Kindergarten yesterday. Of course she loved it. She’s like a fish in water at school. She loves the social; she loves the learning; she loves it all; except the nap time! I did not cry. I held it all together. You would think Kindergarten the 4th time would be easier, but it wasn’t. It was my final first day of Kindergarten.

Last night she brought her backpack to me -- her new, big girl backpack. Inside was the expected teacher letter, this month’s calendar and the “tell me about your child” paper. One of the questions was “What are your child’s likes?” the hardest part of that question was narrowing it down to fit in the blank. The other question was much harder. I realized there are very few things my child dislikes – other than the aforementioned naptime. She is for all intents and purposes a very happy-go-lucky child. She will play Barbies, Baby dolls and Matchbox cars. She loves rocks and lip gloss (both of which can be found in her purse at any given time). She plays soccer in the rain and loves ballet. And she’s not bad at either. She refuses to leave the house without a matching bow in her hair, but hates to have her hair brushed.

She has a favorite brother, and she will tell anyone who asks, “Jay is my favorite brother.” Her adoration of him is clear to even the most casual observer and he reciprocates. He has loved her since she was born. He has also protected her, cajoled her, made her laugh and tended to her. There is definitely a special bond between those two, and it is with a heavy heart I watch the two of them this year go on to open new chapters in their lives.

It really does seem like just yesterday it was him I was seeing off to Kindergarten. How then can it be now I’m seeing him off to High school? And even more important will the time go by so fast to when it’s time to see her off to high school?

When she goes off to high school, our house will be a much different place. She will be the only child still living with us. It is possible that D & J could have families of their own. Boo will be off in college and the house will be very quiet. And as much as we wish for “just a moment’s peace” right now, I know that kind of peace and quiet will come with a price.

I will see the “It’s 10 o’clock, do you know where your children are” reminder and not be able to say yes.

Thank goodness that is a long way off. Two years that’s like forever, right?

D-Day

Today my oldest sons headed off to High School together. It was hard but almost surreal when the oldest made this coming of age trek two years ago. It was heartbreakingly real to watch the two of them go off together this year. For some reason when my blonde boy joins the road travelled by his older brother it just becomes concrete and permanent.

When he was still getting on the bus with his younger brother that stops at the elementary & middle school, I could rationalize. Only a quarter of my children are growing up I could say. I've done it quite a few times now. Daniel turned 10 -- it was double digits, it was hard but not nearly as hard as Jason bringing the ratio of my children to 50% in the double digits. Then the same for the teen years and now High School. Jason's milestones also seem to coincide with Sarah's --the baby. As he heads off to High school she heads off to Kindergarten. This is a really bad year for me.

Next year will not be better. She will start the public school first grade and Benjamin will begin Middle school just after climbing into the double digits himself.

Walking Finn Road Park

My youngest had her first Soccer Practice yesterday. It brought me back to a few years ago. My middle son, played year after year for our Township Rec League. He’s not bad, and the League builds skills as well as confidence. He has since aged out of the program and so it was a bittersweet stroll down memory lane.

It seems like truly just yesterday, he was 7 and we were just barely in our new home in NJ and he was a skinny little boy with curly white blonde hair and all knees and elbows. He has always been athletic, and soccer was no exception. On top of raw talent he also has a competitive streak as long as the Mississippi, which probably comes from being the middle brother. Or maybe it’s as much a part of him as his curly blonde hair which he now hates and brushes straight.

It’s funny, the first time I walked on that field we had only 3 boys and no plans for this little girl I was escorting on the field yesterday. Now he’s 14 and starting high school later this week long gone is the blonde curly hair and the cherubic grin, and she’s playing soccer on the same field he played on those many years ago.

One tough Cookie

My youngest had her first Soccer Practice yesterday. I had my doubts about how well this was going to go, it was raining and she hadn’t really done much with a soccer ball before. Beyond that she was most worried about how she looked for soccer practice and less worried about the practice itself. But in true Sarah fashion, she was a trooper.

She marched out on the field a pink streak set to dazzle the world. She had her pink shirt, which she wasn’t happy with because it had no “shinies” on it, her pink cleats and her pink shin guards, which could not be seen under her grey sweatpants, which she was also none too thrilled with. And of course a pink bow in her hair which she insisted on.

To be fair, the only “activities” she participated in up to this point has been ballet and she does get all pretty for that. Hairbows are encouraged, nearly required. But once she got out there, fashion took a back seat to her zeal for running and competition.

She is a not too bad dribbler and kicker. She needs to work on passing, but I think that’s more about sharing than anything else. And she’s pretty darned good at stealing the ball – for a girl. She doesn’t seem to like being goalie, but in true “hogball” fashion very few of them do.

There were only 6 of them yesterday on the under-6 team and they were evenly split 3 boys/3 girls. Two of them were pretty sure they didn’t even want to be there, and the other 4 ran and played in the rain. The first one on one matchup was Sarah against a boy, I don’t think she understood what to do, but got really mad when he kicked the ball right away and headed down the field before she knew what was going on. That did not happen again. After that she seemed to go after that ball with uncommon ferocity. She does not like to lose.

So while I don’t see Mia Hamm in her, I do see a little girl who is very competitive and probably many more years of Finn Road Park in my future.

Have we as parents completely abdicated our roles?

First off, the following is a rant, it's rather political in nature, but it's also a rant.

It seems each day I read news about another law passed to protect our children. I must confess that I live in New Jersey, appropriately named the nanny state, and we have more laws "protecting" our children than most. For example, children in the state of New Jersey are required by law to wear helmets when they ride bikes and scooters. We also have one of the oldest minimum driving ages at 17. And a new law that imposes special restrictions on "teen drivers". In addition NJ tried (unsuccessfully) to make smoking in your car with a child present a crime.

I started wondering "How did we reach the point in this state that people are eager to allow the government to parent their children?" And then I found the answer in a most surprising place. I was attending a birthday party for one of my daughter's classmates. Another parent was bemoaning the fact that her child missed the public school cut off for Kindergarten and would be repeating Kindergarten with my daughter at their private Pre-School. Specifically she said "I really don't know what she is going to do, she already knows how to read." My response was "Yeah, Sarah knows how to read as well, I spoke to the teacher and they will give her more challenging books to read." Her response shocked me speechless "Oh wow you worked with her at home, I never considered that."

I literally could think of a thing to say. Because what I was thinking would have made me a pariah in the Mommy circle and perhaps given Sarah no attendees at her birthday party. Because what I was thinking followed along something like this:

"You never considered reading a bed time story to your child? You never had your child ask you how to spell something? You never had your child want to repeat the page you just read? Your child never made up their own story by looking at the pictures in a book?" I could obviously go on.

Because I believe that I am my child's first teacher and it doesn't stop when she learns to walk and talk. That's just when it starts to get interesting. It also doesn’t end when they start real school. My school, my community, my lawmakers are not raising my children, I am. I was responsible for bringing them into this world and I am responsible for producing responsible citizens. I look at the alternative and see how ridiculous it is. It’s like taking your dog to obedience school and then not training them at home. It’s like going to church on Sunday and lying the rest of the week. It’s like being elected to congress and then doling out favors to the people who helped your campaign or directly to your family members.

Wait a minute, I guess I’m starting to see the bigger issue. The citizens of this country are eager to give over their parental duties to the government because that also abdicates their responsibility. And we all know how every one in this country is so very eager to accept personal responsibility.

Our news cycle this morning was eye opening.
We started with the former Illinois Governor hoping for a hung jury in a corruption scandal where he was “just the fall guy.”
Then jumped to reports of Rangel partying last night a day after telling the House of Representatives he was not backing down, he just did not understand tax laws.
To Maxine Waters saying she did nothing wrong in steering finances to a bank her husband had stock in.
To finally a footnote to how long our political process has been corrupt Dan Rostenkowski & Ted Stevens deaths were announced, both of whom were charged with corruption, the former spending 17 months in jail.

Ironically, Rostenkowski thought he was the victim too.

What kind of monster have I created?

Yesterday it was a little chilly so I had the Princess in a Gymboree outfit from a line last fall. (See pics below)

So all is well, she likes the outfit I've picked out, is perfectly happy until she notices.... The panties.

She recoils like I'm handing her a rattlesnake. "I can't wear cherry panties." She wails. "what, why not, sweetie?" I innocently reply. "Because the cherry panties don't match my outfit." she exclaims, like any moron knows this.

Now I have the mousy panties that match this line, I know this but they are not clean. They are the next load to be washed.

So we march back to her room to try and find some kind of panties that are clean, my (according to her) unfair requirement. She finally settles on some with pastel dots, but I know that SHE knows they aren't the "right ones."

My biggest problem with this whole scene (beyond the fact that she's obviously OCD) is that she is ONLY 3 years old. Why does a 3 year old care if her panties match her outfit?

The Galaxy is changing

I really don't know how it happened.  I'm not sure if there was a slow march or a sprint but I woke up one day and my house had changed.  There was a time when every where I looked I had matchbox cars, plastic dinosaurs and Bionicles.  One day I woke up came into my living room and surveyed the mess.  It was comprised of Princesses, Barbies and paper dolls.

I spent so long in a blue world when the pink came along I embraced it.  I needed a change of color.  My friends would say I did more than embrace it, they might say I painted my world pink and left no room for the blue anymore.  I don't agree.  We have three sons and two of them are too old for such nonsense anymore, their playthings have given way to iPods and Nintendo DS.  However the younger of the two still keeps and builds Bionicles but only in his room.  It's as if it's a secret.  And  he would definitely die of shame if anyone in the seventh grade found out.

The third son still plays with childhood toys.  And as a result Star Wars invaded our Living Room at Christmas and inhabited that strange planet for months before picking up and moving on to Planet Boo.  Boo, the benevolent dictator of his namesake planet gives semi equal time to Indiana Jones, Spiderman and Jurassic Park but it's clear the Star Wars race is the favored one for now.  His former favored races, including Thomas the Tank Engine and the Wiggles, try to warn Obi Wan that this may be short lived popularity, but he is so arrogant that he will hear nothing of it.

The now out of favor Thomas and Wiggles memorabilia have moved to another location which is downstairs and about 50 feet to the left.  This is Planet Sarah.  This Planet has the lightest pink atmosphere and beautiful demi-gods painted on the walls.  Greg Wiggle is really enjoying getting to know Barbie a little better and Thomas finally is paired up with the Annie train and they are busily producing baby trains all over the train drawer.

As a mother and Queen of Black Galaxy which is all these planets that orbit the star Kitchenopolis, I try to corral the loose populations and send them to their corresponding planets.  It's a full time job almost.  I spend a lot of my time paging the benevolent dictators to retrieve their  stray populations.

Lately I have noticed the strays have changed.  Cinderella and Aurora have replaced Thomas and Greg.  Pink and purple have replaced blue and yellow.  It's a sad commentary because I know one day in the not too distant future Cinderella and Aurora will, too be replaced.  There will come a day when the strays will no longer appear magically in my Living Room and perhaps about the same time two of the Benevolent dictators will no longer be living in this Galaxy full time.

One of the Dictators has already taken to spending more time in his home planet of Dino Dan's World and has to be summoned even to appear in Kitchenopolis for the common meal every night.  We still have our twice weekly meeting of all the dictators to view the latest funnies from the small screen, and we laugh and enjoy those weekly meetings because we do realize they do not happen frequently enough and we try to make more of them.  But in just over three years that Dictator will be off and beginning a new Chapter somewhere which will end with him creating his own galaxy and perhaps his own Dictators and their planets.  The cycle will continue that much we know.