Invasion of the 5 year old body snatchers

Let me Preface this by saying nearly ALL my parenting/nanny/babysitting experience is of the masculine gender.  I took stock of all the children I've babysat over the years and yep, most of those  rug rats  treasures from above were of the male variety.  There were a couple of older sisters thrown in for good measure, but for the most part it was all boy.  And then I proceeded to have 3 of my very own.  And then finally God (probably tired of my pleading) blessed me with my own darling daughter.

Prior to my pregnancy with The Princess, I had sworn off red meat for 20 years.  I existed solely on fish and fowl.  And then about 3 months pregnant I went on the bacon cheeseburger diet.  At work I'd have a bacon, egg and cheese croissant and for lunch it was a bacon cheeseburger. I bought steaks and asked my husband to cook them.  He could not bring himself to do it.  This was one of my defining characteristics.  He was convinced an alien had invaded my body.  No clearly it was just my daughter.

Then she was born.  She delivered with her hand over her head, a mere four years after I delivered a 10 lb 9 ounce bouncing baby boy.  He was easier than her.  Apparently at one point I screamed (at the not-yet-born baby) "Get Out."  She wasn't keen on leaving the womb.

Finally we had her, our beautiful daughter (with a purple arm because it was bruised when she delivered WITH HER HAND OVER HER HEAD!!!).  And that was the last time we slept for 15 months.  Well actually that's not true.  We were known to rent a hotel room at the Hampton Inn down the road from our house while the kids were with a babysitter so we could reconnect as husband and wife catch a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

And at three months old while I tried to get her used to the formula the daycare was going to provide when she started, she proceeded to go on a hunger strike.  Hunger strike you say?  Yes, for 3 days she refused to eat. At 11 weeks old.  She did not like this new formula.  So we switched her back and provided the Formula to the daycare at our expense.  Thank you Miss Princess.


So now, the Princess is 5.  I have no idea what the heck is going on.  She came up to me the other day just bawling.  She and I were the only ones home so I know her minions ahem brothers didn't do anything.  So I asked, "What's wrong Beautiful?"  her response "I don't know."

Uh what?  Now I am feminine, but not girly.  I don't cry, really at all.  But if I do cry, you can bet I absolutely know why.  Most of my friends call my husband my "Wifey" because he's more sensitive than I am.  So I ask you all who have girls, What the heck?  What does one do when one's daughter cries and doesn't even know why?  While you're working on that one, I've got another scenario you can help me decode.

This morning she finally found her Twinkle Toes shoe that was missing.  So clearly she wants to wear the pair.  She gets dressed, and then insists on tying the shoe.  She does know how to tie, but since the Twinkle Toe has been missing it's been all Mary Janes all the time.  So her shoe tying is a bit rusty.  She was having trouble.  She starts crying --huh?  No there's no crying in shoe tying.  So with the boys I would have said something very sexist like "what are you -- a little girl?"  But clearly this doesn't have the same effect on a little girl as it does on say a little boy.

So please tell me this is going to improve, a lot and quickly.  If it's not then please lie like a rug.  Seriously.