....even when we're not.
Just to refresh your memory, in September I wrote the following blog entry: The Dream and I knew that God wanted me to stop worrying and be where I was for that time in my life. But I'm stubborn and hard headed (I'm really relating to Jonah from the Bible lately). For some reason I may never understand, my work at my former job was not finished. I'm referring to my God work, not the work I was being paid for. So last Friday I received an email from my former boss there. She needed me to help her with a project I had worked on while I was there.
The timing is so God. Just before I spoke with her yesterday, I received a meeting on my calendar for today. It was billed as an account review but I knew it was really a layoff meeting.
Today's meeting was what I believed, I was let go effective immediately. I followed up with my former boss and she was cleared to bring me back. We talked a little, I told her the situation and that I was officially out of work. She said she'd call me on Friday once she understood the budget and we could make some plans.
Not even an hour later she called and it seems another person she works with also needs some help, I go in on Thursday for a meeting with both of them.
I have always said God works in mysterious ways and I'll never understand why he blesses me so, but he does and it surprises me every single time.
I posted the below Bible verses before. I post them again. Mostly to remind myself to follow his plan for my life. He is amazing and faithful and wonderful and always there even when I don't listen to him!
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
The need to Give...
Editor’s Note: I want to take a moment to apologize upfront for this entry. This post will go all over the place and seem to have no end in sight and will be at times hard to follow, but bear with me. My thoughts on this are just crashing everywhere and I need to get it out.
There have been two times in my life when I could have been (and by all accounts should have been) homeless. And had it not been for the Grace of God, I would have been. The first time was actually many times rolled into one “life experience”. My first marriage was a failure on about 40 different levels. The main one being that my ex-husband resented having to work. However, we had 2 children and not working was really not an option, except that it was --to him.
In the span of roughly 2 years we moved more times than I can remember. The only reason we could move and pay all the deposits and whatnot was because my Mother was paying them. She was not going to allow me and my sons to be homeless. She paid more security deposits, pulled more strings and got me into more rental properties than I care to remember. She was a Real Estate Agent in Charleston, SC and she was able to get us homes our credit score and evictions would not have allowed.
Most people are just not that blessed. Most people lose the ability to rent or buy when they get evicted, especially more than once for non-payment of rent. Most people end up living in their car when something like this happens. Repeatedly.
The second time was not as dramatic, except that it was. In January 2001, one day before my oldest son’s 8th birthday our house caught fire. It was dramatic and traumatic and part of who our family is today. And because we lived 7 miles away from my mother and father in law, and we had amazing home owner’s insurance, we were able to pick up, dust off and move forward. So many people helped us during that time, our families were there immediately with clothes and toys and books. My mother-in-law set us up in her in-law suite and the Catholic School D attended took up a collection of more toys and books and presented us with that and gift cards about 2 weeks later. By the time Boo was born a mere 5 months later we were safely back in our home, with all new stuff and ready for our new son to join the family. The fire was officially part of our family folklore.
On Saturday, March 5, I joined the Associate Pastor of our church, Pastor Amanda, another Sunday School Teacher, Mrs. Donna, another teenager and my teenaged sons and we went to a Homeless Shelter to present a check or the offerings we had collected in Sunday school. The Homeless Shelter is part of a larger organization called the Interfaith Hospitality Network (IHN).
IHN was started by Karen Olson,
I live in Hunterdon County, NJ. This county has been in the top five highest-income counties by median household income since 2000. We are solidly number 1 for counties with a population of less than 250,000. This means we have a lot of money and a lot of space. I live in the midst of excess. This also means we generally value stuff. We value lots of stuff and the best stuff. My township has imposed an 8-acre minimum for housing sites. We don’t have 8-acres, our mere 2.5 acres were grandfathered in, read that again. In New Jersey we live on 2.5 acres and we were grandfathered in, you couldn’t build a home on 2.5 acres today in my township.
In the midst of this excess, people are losing their homes. We have a homeless problem. It’s not big by comparison to our neighboring cities and counties. Now, New York City, they have a homeless problem. Philadelphia, ditto. You don’t think of Hunterdon County, with its horse farms, million dollar homes and luxury cars when you think of homeless problems.
We’re peanuts compared to them, we are the literal drop in the bucket.
I feel God calling me to help. I’ve felt it for a long time. In the midst of my blessings, I am guilty of excess without grace.
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." Matthew 25:35
There have been two times in my life when I could have been (and by all accounts should have been) homeless. And had it not been for the Grace of God, I would have been. The first time was actually many times rolled into one “life experience”. My first marriage was a failure on about 40 different levels. The main one being that my ex-husband resented having to work. However, we had 2 children and not working was really not an option, except that it was --to him.
In the span of roughly 2 years we moved more times than I can remember. The only reason we could move and pay all the deposits and whatnot was because my Mother was paying them. She was not going to allow me and my sons to be homeless. She paid more security deposits, pulled more strings and got me into more rental properties than I care to remember. She was a Real Estate Agent in Charleston, SC and she was able to get us homes our credit score and evictions would not have allowed.
Most people are just not that blessed. Most people lose the ability to rent or buy when they get evicted, especially more than once for non-payment of rent. Most people end up living in their car when something like this happens. Repeatedly.
The second time was not as dramatic, except that it was. In January 2001, one day before my oldest son’s 8th birthday our house caught fire. It was dramatic and traumatic and part of who our family is today. And because we lived 7 miles away from my mother and father in law, and we had amazing home owner’s insurance, we were able to pick up, dust off and move forward. So many people helped us during that time, our families were there immediately with clothes and toys and books. My mother-in-law set us up in her in-law suite and the Catholic School D attended took up a collection of more toys and books and presented us with that and gift cards about 2 weeks later. By the time Boo was born a mere 5 months later we were safely back in our home, with all new stuff and ready for our new son to join the family. The fire was officially part of our family folklore.
IHN was started by Karen Olson,
In 1982, Karen Olson was a marketing executive who developed promotional campaigns for consumer products. One morning, on her way to a meeting, she saw a homeless woman, someone she'd seen over and over again on her way to work.This history told to me on Saturday by the IHN Executive Director, Geleen Donovan touched me. When she followed it up with the statistics I was floored. Before I throw out those statistics, you have to understand where I live.
She decided to buy a sandwich for the woman. The stranger accepted the sandwich but asked for something else - a moment to be heard, to be comforted, and to be considered as more than a mere statistic on a cold street corner.
Soon, Karen and her two young sons began frequent trips to New York to hand out sandwiches to the homeless. As she came to know some of the city's homeless people, she began to understand the profound loss and disconnection that homelessness causes. That understanding turned into an enduring commitment.
I live in Hunterdon County, NJ. This county has been in the top five highest-income counties by median household income since 2000. We are solidly number 1 for counties with a population of less than 250,000. This means we have a lot of money and a lot of space. I live in the midst of excess. This also means we generally value stuff. We value lots of stuff and the best stuff. My township has imposed an 8-acre minimum for housing sites. We don’t have 8-acres, our mere 2.5 acres were grandfathered in, read that again. In New Jersey we live on 2.5 acres and we were grandfathered in, you couldn’t build a home on 2.5 acres today in my township.
In the midst of this excess, people are losing their homes. We have a homeless problem. It’s not big by comparison to our neighboring cities and counties. Now, New York City, they have a homeless problem. Philadelphia, ditto. You don’t think of Hunterdon County, with its horse farms, million dollar homes and luxury cars when you think of homeless problems.
We’re peanuts compared to them, we are the literal drop in the bucket.
- On January 27, 2010 there were 137 homeless men, women and children counted in Hunterdon County according to the official U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD)
- The actual number of people who are homeless over the course of the year may be between two to
four times larger than the number counted at one point in time. Using the statistical formula
developed in the publication "Estimating the Need," it is projected that over the course of a year, 440
adults and children are homeless in Hunterdon County. - Hunterdon County has a population of 128,349 the homeless are a mere .3% less than 1 percent of the population is homeless.
I feel God calling me to help. I’ve felt it for a long time. In the midst of my blessings, I am guilty of excess without grace.
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." Matthew 25:35
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Fail.
I have learned over the past 3 days I have a very serious addiction to caffeine. Going from 60+ ounces per day to none, is painful and debilitating. And more than I can withstand.
Maybe if I could sleep all day and do nothing but moan while curled up, I'd be okay, But I have children and a husband and a job that expect more from me.
I have also realized I do need to do something about this caffeine addiction. So I am going to reduce my caffeine intake daily to get it back into a normal manageable monkey instead of the gorilla I'm carrying around on my back.
I am still considering doing the Daniel Fast, but I obviously have to prepare my body for this. I have come to the conclusion that God wanted to get my attention and make me aware of my addiction. I'm aware. He certainly knows how to get your attention doesn't he?
I want to only Crave God. I want to only be addicted to Him. He should be first in my life, not coffee. I want to get out of bed in the morning and stumble to my Bible, not my coffee pot.
I am still "observing Lent" I haven't had any chocolate since Tuesday. This is a big deal for me. And I am going to volunteer at the Homeless shelter, I have a post about IHN (Interfaith Hospitality Network) ready to go, I'll probably post it on Monday. I do think it's a good idea to take some time each year and think outside oneself. I also think that's best accomplished when you focus on someone or something else.
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:21
Maybe if I could sleep all day and do nothing but moan while curled up, I'd be okay, But I have children and a husband and a job that expect more from me.
I have also realized I do need to do something about this caffeine addiction. So I am going to reduce my caffeine intake daily to get it back into a normal manageable monkey instead of the gorilla I'm carrying around on my back.
I am still considering doing the Daniel Fast, but I obviously have to prepare my body for this. I have come to the conclusion that God wanted to get my attention and make me aware of my addiction. I'm aware. He certainly knows how to get your attention doesn't he?
I want to only Crave God. I want to only be addicted to Him. He should be first in my life, not coffee. I want to get out of bed in the morning and stumble to my Bible, not my coffee pot.
I am still "observing Lent" I haven't had any chocolate since Tuesday. This is a big deal for me. And I am going to volunteer at the Homeless shelter, I have a post about IHN (Interfaith Hospitality Network) ready to go, I'll probably post it on Monday. I do think it's a good idea to take some time each year and think outside oneself. I also think that's best accomplished when you focus on someone or something else.
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:21
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Daniel Fast
I'm semi-joining the Lazy Christian in the Daniel Fast. I got up this morning knowing I'm now "officially" a Methodist which means I should be observing Lent. Lent has been bothering me for a while now, because I was raised Southern Baptist and I grew up being told "we don't do Lent, we're not Catholic." So I've never "done" Lent.
Until now.
Now I'm "doing Lent". Without observing Fat Tuesday. I'm getting the shaft, I'm sure. But I drove to work this morning knowing God wants something of me, from me and I'm not doing it. I've felt this for a while. I don't know what he wants, but maybe just maybe if I prayed a little more and mainlined coffee a little less, (aka. Be still and know that I am God) I'd get a chance to find out.
Two people in my life today talked about the Daniel Fast. The whole spiel is here, but the gist is no coffee, no tea the only beverage is water. No refined or over-processed anything (sugar, flour, preservatives, chemicals) no sweeteners of any kind (The only thing I LOVE more than my coffee is my Splenda). Oh and if that weren't enough, I'm not done yet... No Dairy, No meat, no fish, no chicken, no eggs and no leavened bread.
Which leaves that which comes directly from the ground. That's it, if I can't grow it from a seed I can't eat it.
This is going to be very tough for me. Some people are doing a modified Daniel Fast and that's allowed, however I feel God calling me to go whole hog (okay no hog, but you get the idea).
This is me off coffee.
With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26
Until now.
Now I'm "doing Lent". Without observing Fat Tuesday. I'm getting the shaft, I'm sure. But I drove to work this morning knowing God wants something of me, from me and I'm not doing it. I've felt this for a while. I don't know what he wants, but maybe just maybe if I prayed a little more and mainlined coffee a little less, (aka. Be still and know that I am God) I'd get a chance to find out.
Two people in my life today talked about the Daniel Fast. The whole spiel is here, but the gist is no coffee, no tea the only beverage is water. No refined or over-processed anything (sugar, flour, preservatives, chemicals) no sweeteners of any kind (The only thing I LOVE more than my coffee is my Splenda). Oh and if that weren't enough, I'm not done yet... No Dairy, No meat, no fish, no chicken, no eggs and no leavened bread.
Which leaves that which comes directly from the ground. That's it, if I can't grow it from a seed I can't eat it.
This is going to be very tough for me. Some people are doing a modified Daniel Fast and that's allowed, however I feel God calling me to go whole hog (okay no hog, but you get the idea).
This is me off coffee.
With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26
Friday, March 4, 2011
Finishing Things
Today I was going to write a whole post about gardening. I even wrote most of it. However it wasn’t good enough.
I am so very hard on myself. I don’t think this makes me unusual.
I have been writing a book for over 3 years, same book. It’s not good enough.
Underneath my happy-go-lucky, devil may care attitude, I am a perfectionist. Everything I do must be perfect; otherwise I have failed, miserably.
I am excited that some of the seeds I planted on Sunday are sprouting. I am also worried that others have not. I know deep in my soul, some seeds are bad, and there is nothing I can do about that. And I know I will still feel like I’ve failed when some of the seeds I’ve planted do not become plants.
This has led me to not attempt many things I’m pretty sure I would be good at, because I may fail. I may fail.
If I fail people will know I failed and then I will be embarrassed. Embarrassment is perhaps the thing I fear the most. I don’t fear dying. I don’t fear public speaking. I don’t fear heights. I fear embarrassment (and snakes, but that’s a whole other story).
I read an article about a study conducted in the New York Public schools by researchers from Columbia. The long and the short of it is that praising children for being smart can actually hinder a child’s ability to try things. I would say I’m the poster child of this study. Nobody has ever argued that I’m not smart. My IQ proves I’m smart. If intelligence were the only factor, I should be one of the most educated people in this country. And perhaps I am.
I read constantly. I remember most of what I read and yet, I do not have a Bachelor’s Degree. I attended college –multiple times. Each time I did reasonably well. And each time I quit.
So I am intelligent. I enjoy reading and researching. I enjoy writing. All of the things that makes for an excellent College Student. And yet, I cannot seem to finish my degree, my book, my post about gardening and many other things I start.
I am so very hard on myself. I don’t think this makes me unusual.
I have been writing a book for over 3 years, same book. It’s not good enough.
Underneath my happy-go-lucky, devil may care attitude, I am a perfectionist. Everything I do must be perfect; otherwise I have failed, miserably.
I am excited that some of the seeds I planted on Sunday are sprouting. I am also worried that others have not. I know deep in my soul, some seeds are bad, and there is nothing I can do about that. And I know I will still feel like I’ve failed when some of the seeds I’ve planted do not become plants.
This has led me to not attempt many things I’m pretty sure I would be good at, because I may fail. I may fail.
If I fail people will know I failed and then I will be embarrassed. Embarrassment is perhaps the thing I fear the most. I don’t fear dying. I don’t fear public speaking. I don’t fear heights. I fear embarrassment (and snakes, but that’s a whole other story).
I read an article about a study conducted in the New York Public schools by researchers from Columbia. The long and the short of it is that praising children for being smart can actually hinder a child’s ability to try things. I would say I’m the poster child of this study. Nobody has ever argued that I’m not smart. My IQ proves I’m smart. If intelligence were the only factor, I should be one of the most educated people in this country. And perhaps I am.
I read constantly. I remember most of what I read and yet, I do not have a Bachelor’s Degree. I attended college –multiple times. Each time I did reasonably well. And each time I quit.
So I am intelligent. I enjoy reading and researching. I enjoy writing. All of the things that makes for an excellent College Student. And yet, I cannot seem to finish my degree, my book, my post about gardening and many other things I start.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
A Different View
On my "Current Events" blog, I posted about the Supreme court ruling on the Westboro Baptist Church's protesting and picketing at funerals. That post is from a purely political perspective. I'd now like to analyze this issue from a biblical perspective.
Yesterday, the SCOTUS handed down an 8 to 1 decision that the Westboro Baptist Church has the right to protest at funerals.
It is not what God wants said in his name, I feel sure. We are not sent here to judge, we are sent here to love. In preparing to write this piece today I did some research on their protests and research on the counter protests. It’s all hate. Hate, hate, hate. And that is not what God is about. He is about Love.
I do not agree with the implication, if A is right then why is B wrong. In this example A equals WBC protests and B equals Christian displays and Christian messages. I do see A and B as two branches of the same message. WBC is protesting in what they seem to believe is God’s name. Many Christian faiths believe and pronounce that homosexuality is a sin. Jesus calls on us to rebuke our neighbors with love and call them from their sinning. So in many ways WBC takes the Christian message “Go forth and sin no more” to its natural foregone conclusion.
I do not agree with their conclusion, because I do not read the Bible in a vacuum. I read the Bible as a whole book. So in one place Jesus tells us to judge but only to judge with the Holy Spirit. We are not ordered to judge a group of people, only one person at a time in a loving manner.
I have not been called to judge homosexual people. That is to say God has not placed that burden on my heart. As a result, I do not have strong feelings either way on homosexuality. I do believe God calls us to love everyone. Indeed Jesus said this is part of the most important commandment. I also know that Hate is the opposite of Love.
Hate like Anger will eat a person up inside. It will consume you until you can no longer see, be or feel anything except the hatred. I also know that God does not ask us to hate. He asks us to love.
Yesterday, the SCOTUS handed down an 8 to 1 decision that the Westboro Baptist Church has the right to protest at funerals.
It is not what God wants said in his name, I feel sure. We are not sent here to judge, we are sent here to love. In preparing to write this piece today I did some research on their protests and research on the counter protests. It’s all hate. Hate, hate, hate. And that is not what God is about. He is about Love.
I do not agree with the implication, if A is right then why is B wrong. In this example A equals WBC protests and B equals Christian displays and Christian messages. I do see A and B as two branches of the same message. WBC is protesting in what they seem to believe is God’s name. Many Christian faiths believe and pronounce that homosexuality is a sin. Jesus calls on us to rebuke our neighbors with love and call them from their sinning. So in many ways WBC takes the Christian message “Go forth and sin no more” to its natural foregone conclusion.
I do not agree with their conclusion, because I do not read the Bible in a vacuum. I read the Bible as a whole book. So in one place Jesus tells us to judge but only to judge with the Holy Spirit. We are not ordered to judge a group of people, only one person at a time in a loving manner.
I have not been called to judge homosexual people. That is to say God has not placed that burden on my heart. As a result, I do not have strong feelings either way on homosexuality. I do believe God calls us to love everyone. Indeed Jesus said this is part of the most important commandment. I also know that Hate is the opposite of Love.
Hate like Anger will eat a person up inside. It will consume you until you can no longer see, be or feel anything except the hatred. I also know that God does not ask us to hate. He asks us to love.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Get on with it already!
Recently I’ve had a front row seat to watching two people who are close to me wrestle with Christianity. They are both very similar in their personalities and neither of them is willing to grant God the control He desires in their lives. I stand back in amazement at both of them. I just can’t understand where they are. I really try to be there for them and answer their questions, but I am really having trouble relating.
I really don’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t a Christian. I DO remember well times in my life when I tried to be in control, but I was a Christian, just a “Backslidin’ Baptist” as we’re called. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, I’ve chosen many wrong paths and I done many things I am not very proud of, but through all of those God has been with me. He carried me sometimes, held me sometimes, walked beside me sometimes and just generally was there for me always. To say He has protected me is understatement, He has blessed me way beyond what I deserve and continues to do so daily.
One of the people I’m watching thinks that being a Christian and having faith means all doubts are erased. You never doubt again. I know that isn’t true, I’ve seen all kinds of mature Christians doubt. One of Jesus’ own disciples doubted his resurrection, and that earned him the moniker ‘Doubting Thomas’. Abraham doubted, Noah doubted, Moses doubted, Jonah doubted and yet they all play important roles in our faith. They are all held up as examples of good and faithful servants.
The other believes she is not good enough to be loved, by anyone especially God. That one is easy for me, none of us are. That’s what makes Jesus’ death on the cross so spectacular. Christians are not perfect, we are just forgiven. When God looks at us he looks through the lens of Jesus. And as Christians we reflect Him not ourselves. He sees the Perfect and Holy One, not our sinful selves.
I get frustrated as I watch them both struggle through their lives trying to be all things to everyone and never relying on the One through which all things are possible. They both need to be all to everyone because then they believe they are in control of their lives, but they really aren’t, it’s an illusion – or delusion as the case may be. They believe giving up control is perhaps the worst thing they could ever do.
They think becoming a Christian means something it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean missing your old life, leaving your old friends and becoming someone different than who you are. It means living with a peace that surpasses all understanding. It means giving your troubles, burdens and heaviness to God. But it also means giving Him the credit for your successes, your joys and your wins. It means following Him, allowing Him to drive and leaning on Him before you have tried everything else.
Prayer is not a 9-1-1 call, it’s not a last ditch effort, it’s not even a Plan B. It’s Plan A and there is no Plan B. It’s trusting Him to give you what you need. It’s trusting Him to be in control. This isn’t necessarily easy for me, but I’m getting better with it (most days). I just wish I could get them to understand you’re not a Christian because you’ve become a saint, you’re a Christian because you’re a sinner.
I really don’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t a Christian. I DO remember well times in my life when I tried to be in control, but I was a Christian, just a “Backslidin’ Baptist” as we’re called. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, I’ve chosen many wrong paths and I done many things I am not very proud of, but through all of those God has been with me. He carried me sometimes, held me sometimes, walked beside me sometimes and just generally was there for me always. To say He has protected me is understatement, He has blessed me way beyond what I deserve and continues to do so daily.
One of the people I’m watching thinks that being a Christian and having faith means all doubts are erased. You never doubt again. I know that isn’t true, I’ve seen all kinds of mature Christians doubt. One of Jesus’ own disciples doubted his resurrection, and that earned him the moniker ‘Doubting Thomas’. Abraham doubted, Noah doubted, Moses doubted, Jonah doubted and yet they all play important roles in our faith. They are all held up as examples of good and faithful servants.
The other believes she is not good enough to be loved, by anyone especially God. That one is easy for me, none of us are. That’s what makes Jesus’ death on the cross so spectacular. Christians are not perfect, we are just forgiven. When God looks at us he looks through the lens of Jesus. And as Christians we reflect Him not ourselves. He sees the Perfect and Holy One, not our sinful selves.
I get frustrated as I watch them both struggle through their lives trying to be all things to everyone and never relying on the One through which all things are possible. They both need to be all to everyone because then they believe they are in control of their lives, but they really aren’t, it’s an illusion – or delusion as the case may be. They believe giving up control is perhaps the worst thing they could ever do.
They think becoming a Christian means something it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean missing your old life, leaving your old friends and becoming someone different than who you are. It means living with a peace that surpasses all understanding. It means giving your troubles, burdens and heaviness to God. But it also means giving Him the credit for your successes, your joys and your wins. It means following Him, allowing Him to drive and leaning on Him before you have tried everything else.
Prayer is not a 9-1-1 call, it’s not a last ditch effort, it’s not even a Plan B. It’s Plan A and there is no Plan B. It’s trusting Him to give you what you need. It’s trusting Him to be in control. This isn’t necessarily easy for me, but I’m getting better with it (most days). I just wish I could get them to understand you’re not a Christian because you’ve become a saint, you’re a Christian because you’re a sinner.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Mixed Messages --Quick Hit
On my way to work the other day I was behind a car with the following bumper Stickers:
On the Passenger side of the back of the car it said:
Keep Honking, I'm Reloading.
And below that another sticker said:
Terrorist Hunting Permit.
On the Driver's side it said:
God is my Co-Pilot
And below that it said:
God loves you and I'm really trying.
Any chance the person who put those stickers sees the irony in the Mixed Messages?
On the Passenger side of the back of the car it said:
Keep Honking, I'm Reloading.
And below that another sticker said:
Terrorist Hunting Permit.
On the Driver's side it said:
God is my Co-Pilot
And below that it said:
God loves you and I'm really trying.
Any chance the person who put those stickers sees the irony in the Mixed Messages?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sophie -- How I love that little dog.
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| This is one of the earliest pictures I have of Sophie, she was 4 weeks in this pic. |
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| After we brought her home |
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| Her favorite sleeping position as a puppy |
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| Yes, the cat is sleeping ON her. |
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| Christmas 2010 |
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| My absolute favorite picture of her |
Today I am in Philadelphia with our beautiful little soul once again under anesthesia, hoping against hope that this time her eye is fixed and that once again she comes out of anesthesia. I really do love this little dog.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Over a month.
I'm sorry. I owe you all the "yous" out there who had been reading my blog more and better than that. And with that I ask for your forgiveness and promise to try to do better in the future. And I truly hope and expect many of you will forgive me and we will move on.
That really seems so easy doesn't it? It seems so easy to just ask for forgiveness and promise to try to do better. And most of us would be (and are) offended when we are expected just to grant forgiveness. And yet we are. We --those of us who are Christians-- are called upon to grant forgiveness. Just like Jesus does for us everyday.
My husband often tells my children I am the most faithful and blessed person he knows. I tell my children in spite of their father's blindness, I sin at least once before I get out of bed every morning. I'm not perfect, and neither are they. Nobody in this world is. We all sin and fall short of the Glory of God. That's why he gave us Jesus. Jesus paid the price for every one of the sins I have committed and will commit yet.
And every day I wake up, usually sin first, then pray that God forgives my sins from the day before and helps me to sin less than I did yesterday. And everyday I probably sin about the same as I did the day before. (For the curious my in the bed sin is usually thinking bad thoughts about the makers of alarm clocks, and other things that wake me from my sleep)
So if we are all supposed to expect God to forgive us and we are supposed to forgive each other, why do we get so bent out of shape when someone asks for forgiveness and expects it?
That really seems so easy doesn't it? It seems so easy to just ask for forgiveness and promise to try to do better. And most of us would be (and are) offended when we are expected just to grant forgiveness. And yet we are. We --those of us who are Christians-- are called upon to grant forgiveness. Just like Jesus does for us everyday.
My husband often tells my children I am the most faithful and blessed person he knows. I tell my children in spite of their father's blindness, I sin at least once before I get out of bed every morning. I'm not perfect, and neither are they. Nobody in this world is. We all sin and fall short of the Glory of God. That's why he gave us Jesus. Jesus paid the price for every one of the sins I have committed and will commit yet.
And every day I wake up, usually sin first, then pray that God forgives my sins from the day before and helps me to sin less than I did yesterday. And everyday I probably sin about the same as I did the day before. (For the curious my in the bed sin is usually thinking bad thoughts about the makers of alarm clocks, and other things that wake me from my sleep)
So if we are all supposed to expect God to forgive us and we are supposed to forgive each other, why do we get so bent out of shape when someone asks for forgiveness and expects it?
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Change
Is supposed to be good for the soul.
Is supposed to be something we embrace.
Is supposed to be a gift from God.
Is not something I am good at.
On Tuesday November 2, I hit a pothole on my way home from work. This caused my airbag to deploy. This caused my car to be in the shop until today. This caused me to be in a loaner car. The loaner car was the same model as my car, only newer. I was not comfortable in the loaner.
It wasn't my car. It didn't drive the same. It didn't feel the same. It didn't even look the same. It was different.
Not bad different actually in many ways better (than my car) different. But still it was change. Change I did not predict, change I was not prepared for and change I did not want.
I hoped to be back in my car the week the pothole happened. I knew I was starting a new job which was going to be more change and I needed some consistency. I was right. I have been completely overwhelmed the past few weeks. I am not sleeping. I am not eating. I am short tempered, frustrated and on the verge of tears.
Someone out there has to be thinking "all this over a car?" But it's not just a car. This car was a gift to me from my husband. And it was the consistency in a swirling, changing world. Since he bought me my car, my daughter has gone from age 2 to age 5. My oldest son has gone from his first year in high school to a Junior. My second oldest son has gone from a 7th grader to High school. And my youngest son has gone from 2nd grade to his last year in Elementary school.
I have left what I believed (when I took it) was my dream job, I have spent time at home not working, I went from being a smoker to a non-smoker, we have completed 4 of our home renovation projects -- in a nutshell, in nearly 3 years, Life (with a capital "L") has happened. And yet my car except for a ding and dirty carpets has remained the same. It's still the beautiful, thoughtful, loving, considerate Valentine's Day Gift my husband gave in 2008 and every time I get in, I am reminded in a very concrete, tangible way that he is a beautiful, thoughtful, loving, considerate human being. And I am the love of his life.
Maybe not so much has changed after all.
Is supposed to be something we embrace.
Is supposed to be a gift from God.
Is not something I am good at.
On Tuesday November 2, I hit a pothole on my way home from work. This caused my airbag to deploy. This caused my car to be in the shop until today. This caused me to be in a loaner car. The loaner car was the same model as my car, only newer. I was not comfortable in the loaner.
It wasn't my car. It didn't drive the same. It didn't feel the same. It didn't even look the same. It was different.
Not bad different actually in many ways better (than my car) different. But still it was change. Change I did not predict, change I was not prepared for and change I did not want.
I hoped to be back in my car the week the pothole happened. I knew I was starting a new job which was going to be more change and I needed some consistency. I was right. I have been completely overwhelmed the past few weeks. I am not sleeping. I am not eating. I am short tempered, frustrated and on the verge of tears.
Someone out there has to be thinking "all this over a car?" But it's not just a car. This car was a gift to me from my husband. And it was the consistency in a swirling, changing world. Since he bought me my car, my daughter has gone from age 2 to age 5. My oldest son has gone from his first year in high school to a Junior. My second oldest son has gone from a 7th grader to High school. And my youngest son has gone from 2nd grade to his last year in Elementary school.
I have left what I believed (when I took it) was my dream job, I have spent time at home not working, I went from being a smoker to a non-smoker, we have completed 4 of our home renovation projects -- in a nutshell, in nearly 3 years, Life (with a capital "L") has happened. And yet my car except for a ding and dirty carpets has remained the same. It's still the beautiful, thoughtful, loving, considerate Valentine's Day Gift my husband gave in 2008 and every time I get in, I am reminded in a very concrete, tangible way that he is a beautiful, thoughtful, loving, considerate human being. And I am the love of his life.
Maybe not so much has changed after all.
Friday, November 5, 2010
30 Days of Thanksgiving Day 5
Today I as I prepare to leave my old job to start my new one on Monday, I am Thankful for so many things.
1- I have a job in an economy where so many don't.
2- I have had the joy of working with fantastic people.
3- My new job is exciting and a slightly new field for me.
I am just so thankful that I have the opportunity to begin a new exciting job on Monday.
1- I have a job in an economy where so many don't.
2- I have had the joy of working with fantastic people.
3- My new job is exciting and a slightly new field for me.
I am just so thankful that I have the opportunity to begin a new exciting job on Monday.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
30 days of Thankful
I am thankful for my husband. Specifically his ability to remodel houses.
Last night we were watching Renovation Realities and two guys were creating a "man cave" except they didn't even know how to hang a window. Even I know how to hang a window, theoretically speaking of course. As in I could instruct someone who would use a level and a tape measure to hang it straight and all, but I know what needs to happen. Like that you have to frame it and all. (More than the apparent jackasses on the show)
I also knew that you don't put little 12x12 linoleum squares on a concrete floor of a garage. For three really apparent reasons:
A) It's gonna be one flipping cold floor.
B) If you don't care about A because you never go barefoot, get rolls of linoleum, not 12x12 squares.
C) When you convert a garage to "living space" you have to level out the floor. Garages are made to drain run off from your car out to the driveway, so they are sloped.
Now of course my husband has know this for a long time. He poured the floor of our 3-car garage himself. Complete with slope. HE also has as his first job in the old garage conversion to ........ you guessed it ..... level out the floor.
On top of his clearly superior building knowledge, his renovations provide me hours of entertainment.
Tonight as he was painting over some spackling he had put to fix cracks in the walls a la teenaged boys, my daughter and he have the following conversation.
Daddy, why are you painting that?
I had to fix the walls from your brothers Bug-Bug.
Well, you did a really great job on the white, I'm proud of you, Daddy.
Me: cracking up.
Last night we were watching Renovation Realities and two guys were creating a "man cave" except they didn't even know how to hang a window. Even I know how to hang a window, theoretically speaking of course. As in I could instruct someone who would use a level and a tape measure to hang it straight and all, but I know what needs to happen. Like that you have to frame it and all. (More than the apparent jackasses on the show)
I also knew that you don't put little 12x12 linoleum squares on a concrete floor of a garage. For three really apparent reasons:
A) It's gonna be one flipping cold floor.
B) If you don't care about A because you never go barefoot, get rolls of linoleum, not 12x12 squares.
C) When you convert a garage to "living space" you have to level out the floor. Garages are made to drain run off from your car out to the driveway, so they are sloped.
Now of course my husband has know this for a long time. He poured the floor of our 3-car garage himself. Complete with slope. HE also has as his first job in the old garage conversion to ........ you guessed it ..... level out the floor.
On top of his clearly superior building knowledge, his renovations provide me hours of entertainment.
Tonight as he was painting over some spackling he had put to fix cracks in the walls a la teenaged boys, my daughter and he have the following conversation.
Daddy, why are you painting that?
I had to fix the walls from your brothers Bug-Bug.
Well, you did a really great job on the white, I'm proud of you, Daddy.
Me: cracking up.
30 days of Thankful
Tuesday on my way home from work I had a small accident. Honestly I didn't even consider it an accident at the time. And if I did not have airbags, I wouldn't have called it an accident. I would have said what it was, I hit a pot hole on I-80 and blew out a tire. No biggie, happens everyday.
However, because of the aforementioned airbags a simple blown out tire becomes an accident. Something hit a sensor on the underside of my car and deployed the driver's side airbags. I drive a 2008 Acura TL, The driver's side airbags deploying cause the headliner to rip out of the ceiling of the car and the driver's seat to split open. So a simple tire blow out causes major car repair (estimated $6K+).
But I am Thankful for airbags, which do save lives. I am also thankful that my husband took care of everything. I am most thankful that other than soreness from the seatbelt I am unharmed.
However, because of the aforementioned airbags a simple blown out tire becomes an accident. Something hit a sensor on the underside of my car and deployed the driver's side airbags. I drive a 2008 Acura TL, The driver's side airbags deploying cause the headliner to rip out of the ceiling of the car and the driver's seat to split open. So a simple tire blow out causes major car repair (estimated $6K+).
But I am Thankful for airbags, which do save lives. I am also thankful that my husband took care of everything. I am most thankful that other than soreness from the seatbelt I am unharmed.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
30 days of Thankful Vote
If you are educated on the issues and the candidates. Vote.
If you believe you owe it to those who fought and died for your freedom. Vote.
If you believe your one vote can make a difference. Vote.
If you believe what sets our country apart from virtually every other country in the history of the World is Freedom. Vote.
At every opportunity, whenever you are educated, always in all ways make your voice heard. Vote.
I am thankful to live in a country where my voice can be heard through peaceful voting.
If you believe you owe it to those who fought and died for your freedom. Vote.
If you believe your one vote can make a difference. Vote.
If you believe what sets our country apart from virtually every other country in the history of the World is Freedom. Vote.
At every opportunity, whenever you are educated, always in all ways make your voice heard. Vote.
I am thankful to live in a country where my voice can be heard through peaceful voting.
Monday, November 1, 2010
30 days of Thanksgiving
If you want to have a meaningful November, try thankfulness. I got the info from Lisa at Lisa Notes.
For the 5th year in a row, Rebecca at RebeccaWrites is hosting 30 days of giving thanks at her “November of Thanksgiving” celebration.
So for my first day:
This past Saturday, my husband and I celebrated 11 years of marriage.
So for my first day:
This past Saturday, my husband and I celebrated 11 years of marriage.
And by celebrated I mean we demolished the interior of the "old" garage to prepare for converting it to a Great Room. After that the kids and I shopped for last minute costume accessories for Halloween the next day.
And I went to bed early with a Sinus infection.
It's a long way from some of our more grand Anniversaries.
There's absolutely no doubt we love eachother. And we show it in little ways everyday. He brings me my coffe in bed. I pack his lunch. He stops in the middle of the day to text me that he loves me. I call him on the way home to tell him that I love him.
The children in the house know the quickest way to get on Dad's bad side is to disrespect me. More than once they have been corrected for not saying "Yes Ma'am." And God help them if they are more disrespectful than that.
I recently read a book by Andy Stanley, about half way through he talks about his children and how he expects they will respect their mother. And then he makes a statement something to the tune of "What you value the most, you protect the most."
Until I read that line, I never realized that by training our sons (and daughter) to respect me, he was in fact expressing a whole hearted, fully overflowing deep down love that will last a lifetime. And this is perhpas the most important and treasured gift he has ever given me.
I am thankful for the comfortable, devoted love we have for eachother.
Friday, October 29, 2010
It was a good run....
While it lasted.
The Staying on Green thing. It lasted 14 days. And then on Tuesday bam! She skated right past yellow straight to red. Then the following day she got stuck on yellow. Which means she timed her poor behavior late enough in the day she was unable to come back from it or (much more likely) she was a total pill and made no attempt to recover.
Apparently The Princess was telling her friends at lunch that Vampires were going to eat them. Makes me so proud. She made a little boy cry. Good times. Yes, this will surely go down in my proud memories journal.
Yeah, no not so much. Her big brother is however beamingly proud of her, following in his footsteps and all.
So we have a run of 14 days, solid green and then she falls off the wagon and goes for broke? Why?
I really don't get it.
The Staying on Green thing. It lasted 14 days. And then on Tuesday bam! She skated right past yellow straight to red. Then the following day she got stuck on yellow. Which means she timed her poor behavior late enough in the day she was unable to come back from it or (much more likely) she was a total pill and made no attempt to recover.
Apparently The Princess was telling her friends at lunch that Vampires were going to eat them. Makes me so proud. She made a little boy cry. Good times. Yes, this will surely go down in my proud memories journal.
Yeah, no not so much. Her big brother is however beamingly proud of her, following in his footsteps and all.
So we have a run of 14 days, solid green and then she falls off the wagon and goes for broke? Why?
I really don't get it.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Absolutely Horrified
So my followers should know by now I am starting a new job. The process for starting this new job has been arduous, revealing and a little bit whole lotta undignified. First, after multiple interviews, I had to take a personality test. At the time I found that a bit off putting, however because of it, I will not be doing as a focus one of the things I really hate. Thank you, weird little personality test for telling them I sooooooo would hate to time meetings and take minutes. as a full time job anyway. But even though it worked out in my favor in the end I was very freaked about someone getting into my head. I also spent more than a few moments worried I might fail. How fun would that be to explain, "Yeah I failed a personality test -- turns out I have none."
So that hurdle behind me I thought, I'm in like Flynn. And then there were two --more hurdles I mean. Next came a very probing background check which I found very confusing. It asked for other names I have used in the past seven years. While I was pretty confident they did not mean like "Mommy" or "Snookie-Poo" I wasn't sure exactly what to put there. I've been married for 11 years (almost) but the Social Security Administration did not change my maiden name until like 2005-ish. So I was pretty sure that fell within the seven year rule. But I hemmed and hawed over it and clicked the Continue button. On the back page it summed everything up and showed no different name under "Names used in school". Now seriously, is this test only for recent grads? Am I the only who they hire who has been married more than seven years? Really??? So I clicked back to page one and added my Maiden name. I left out my first married name because I have been divorced more than seven years and quite frankly felt that was nobody's business -- Although to be fair most people guess it anyway because of the age difference between my oldest and youngest.. Once again I passed the background. Whew, now seriously I must be done with this whole process? right?
Sorry, once again I was wrong. The last and most undignified test was yet to come. Yes, I had to take a drug test. I have been on the internet a very long time and I've "met" many people who strike you as normal, upstanding, law abiding citizens until in one of the confessions threads they admit to smoking pot -- regularly. So knowing this, you would think I would not have been surprised, nay creeped out at being asked to provide a sample. Really? Me?
So yesterday at lunch I went to this tiny Dr.'s office-like setting on my lunch hour to finally wrap up this hiring process. And I felt dirty and cheap. I've had to take drug tests before for employment. And every time I've felt dirty and cheap. It's who I am. I am perhaps a transplant from another era. I believe that person's word should count for something. And generally I take people at their word. This causes me to be burnt from time to time, and that does suck. But the alternative is to live a cynical existence trusting no one and expecting everyone to get you when they can. I can't live like that.
I don't want to.
So that hurdle behind me I thought, I'm in like Flynn. And then there were two --more hurdles I mean. Next came a very probing background check which I found very confusing. It asked for other names I have used in the past seven years. While I was pretty confident they did not mean like "Mommy" or "Snookie-Poo" I wasn't sure exactly what to put there. I've been married for 11 years (almost) but the Social Security Administration did not change my maiden name until like 2005-ish. So I was pretty sure that fell within the seven year rule. But I hemmed and hawed over it and clicked the Continue button. On the back page it summed everything up and showed no different name under "Names used in school". Now seriously, is this test only for recent grads? Am I the only who they hire who has been married more than seven years? Really??? So I clicked back to page one and added my Maiden name. I left out my first married name because I have been divorced more than seven years and quite frankly felt that was nobody's business -- Although to be fair most people guess it anyway because of the age difference between my oldest and youngest.. Once again I passed the background. Whew, now seriously I must be done with this whole process? right?
Sorry, once again I was wrong. The last and most undignified test was yet to come. Yes, I had to take a drug test. I have been on the internet a very long time and I've "met" many people who strike you as normal, upstanding, law abiding citizens until in one of the confessions threads they admit to smoking pot -- regularly. So knowing this, you would think I would not have been surprised, nay creeped out at being asked to provide a sample. Really? Me?
So yesterday at lunch I went to this tiny Dr.'s office-like setting on my lunch hour to finally wrap up this hiring process. And I felt dirty and cheap. I've had to take drug tests before for employment. And every time I've felt dirty and cheap. It's who I am. I am perhaps a transplant from another era. I believe that person's word should count for something. And generally I take people at their word. This causes me to be burnt from time to time, and that does suck. But the alternative is to live a cynical existence trusting no one and expecting everyone to get you when they can. I can't live like that.
I don't want to.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
What failure is not.
So I guess I'm kinda on a roll. My post on Monday outlined what I am not. And today I will explain why starting 3 jobs in one 365-day period is not failure. Technically it's 356 days, but you get the idea....
As you can see this year has been a series of literal false starts. I started just over a year ago desperate and lacking confidence. I was coming off months of being unable to find a job. This had never really happened to me. My occupation for the better part of the last decade has been in high demand. I'm a person who understands FDA Regulations for the Pharmaceutical Industry and can communicate them in a way that doesn't always immediately piss people off. I can in virtually any audience get at least one person who will at least reluctantly agree with me. I communicate the neccessary evil.
So I live in what is perhaps the Pharmaceutical Company Capital of the world, the state of New Jersey. Everyone in New Jersey knows at least one person who is employed in the Pharmaceutical Industry. I read a statistic that in 1997 according to census data roughly 7% of the entire population of the state is employed in the pharma industry. I'm sure that number is higher once the numbers from the most recent census come out. But in either case that's a lot of people.
So here I am in the best place in the country to be in my chosen profession and I can't find a job. I can't even get an interview. Month after month, job posting after job posting, nothing. Then finally I get a call.
It wasn't ideal, it wasn't a great fit, it was a stretch, and even worse one of the hiring managers told me so at the interview. The Client I was to be "managing" was difficult. The contract had been in dispute for months. The client flat out did not trust the company I was signing on with. I was expected to turn it around, when the client felt I didn't know what I needed to know.
It was hell. I was working all the time. One day last February I was taking a day off. I was supposed to go to Harrisburg to spend the weekend with a friend. I couldn't get out of my house. At one point I felt like I had Tourette's. Every time I would start to pack, or get stuff together, my iPhone would ding I had mail. And immediately I was pulling the phone out of the holster and clicking on the mailbox. On a vacation day.
And yet I hung on. I gave it all I had. I went to Bulgaria twice in a 60 day period. I just kept figuring I wasn't working hard enough. So I was online 16 hours a day, even weekends. To the point that my husband was frustrated. I kept working, kept trying, kept learning. I've never been one to quit until all other options are exhausted.
Finally in April, I was laid off. I was on the one hand relieved, I couldn't have stood the pressure cooker much longer. And on the other hand I was terrified. I was barely 6 months past looking for a job. I panicked. As a result I took the first job I found. It was also not a great fit, but much more in my comfort zone. It was something I hated doing, but at least I knew I did it well.
Three months in I was bored to tears. I went from a pressure cooker to a job where I was completely unproductive. I did nothing all day. I can't do this. I feel like I'm taking advantage of people. I feel like it's morally wrong. I worked on a book I wanted to write, I blogged, I wrote book reviews, I searched for a new job, I did a lot of things that brought no value to the company paying for my time. And I constantly told my Supervisor, I had nothing to do.
So I took my time, I really researched the third job. I know this is a good fit for me and my abilities. The Company seems really great, and I expect great things from them. So while I am starting my third job in 356 days I do expect this will be my last for a very long time. And for the first time in nearly a year I am excited about going to work.
And this is why even though I'm starting my thrid job in less than a year I am not a failure. No, not like Nixon was not a crook, either.
As you can see this year has been a series of literal false starts. I started just over a year ago desperate and lacking confidence. I was coming off months of being unable to find a job. This had never really happened to me. My occupation for the better part of the last decade has been in high demand. I'm a person who understands FDA Regulations for the Pharmaceutical Industry and can communicate them in a way that doesn't always immediately piss people off. I can in virtually any audience get at least one person who will at least reluctantly agree with me. I communicate the neccessary evil.
So I live in what is perhaps the Pharmaceutical Company Capital of the world, the state of New Jersey. Everyone in New Jersey knows at least one person who is employed in the Pharmaceutical Industry. I read a statistic that in 1997 according to census data roughly 7% of the entire population of the state is employed in the pharma industry. I'm sure that number is higher once the numbers from the most recent census come out. But in either case that's a lot of people.
So here I am in the best place in the country to be in my chosen profession and I can't find a job. I can't even get an interview. Month after month, job posting after job posting, nothing. Then finally I get a call.
It wasn't ideal, it wasn't a great fit, it was a stretch, and even worse one of the hiring managers told me so at the interview. The Client I was to be "managing" was difficult. The contract had been in dispute for months. The client flat out did not trust the company I was signing on with. I was expected to turn it around, when the client felt I didn't know what I needed to know.
It was hell. I was working all the time. One day last February I was taking a day off. I was supposed to go to Harrisburg to spend the weekend with a friend. I couldn't get out of my house. At one point I felt like I had Tourette's. Every time I would start to pack, or get stuff together, my iPhone would ding I had mail. And immediately I was pulling the phone out of the holster and clicking on the mailbox. On a vacation day.
And yet I hung on. I gave it all I had. I went to Bulgaria twice in a 60 day period. I just kept figuring I wasn't working hard enough. So I was online 16 hours a day, even weekends. To the point that my husband was frustrated. I kept working, kept trying, kept learning. I've never been one to quit until all other options are exhausted.
Finally in April, I was laid off. I was on the one hand relieved, I couldn't have stood the pressure cooker much longer. And on the other hand I was terrified. I was barely 6 months past looking for a job. I panicked. As a result I took the first job I found. It was also not a great fit, but much more in my comfort zone. It was something I hated doing, but at least I knew I did it well.
Three months in I was bored to tears. I went from a pressure cooker to a job where I was completely unproductive. I did nothing all day. I can't do this. I feel like I'm taking advantage of people. I feel like it's morally wrong. I worked on a book I wanted to write, I blogged, I wrote book reviews, I searched for a new job, I did a lot of things that brought no value to the company paying for my time. And I constantly told my Supervisor, I had nothing to do.
So I took my time, I really researched the third job. I know this is a good fit for me and my abilities. The Company seems really great, and I expect great things from them. So while I am starting my third job in 356 days I do expect this will be my last for a very long time. And for the first time in nearly a year I am excited about going to work.
And this is why even though I'm starting my thrid job in less than a year I am not a failure. No, not like Nixon was not a crook, either.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Good News and Bad News
So the Good News is I have a new job, I start November 8th. I'm very excited, I think this company will grow exponentially and I'm getting in on the ground floor. I will be doing what I do best, solving problems, selling ideas and working with people. I'm very excited about the opportunity. I feel like I've bounced a few times now since leaving Johnson and Johnson and during this time I have learned what I am definitely not good at.
1) I'm not good at being a stay at home mom. I love my kids, and enjoy spending time with them, but I guess I have worked for too long, I need a packed schedule and a feeling of accomplishment. Clean clothes does not give me a feeling of accomplishment.
2) I'm not good at turning around problem clients, when I'm not 100% knowledgeable. My first job after my failed sahm experiment was a Client Manager for an outsourced Help desk. The Client was brutal. The Help Desk was in Bulgaria. I was not a good peacemaker in that situation.
3) I'm not good at being a world traveller. I don't like leaving my family for weeks at a time and being in a place that is 7 hours ahead of my family's time zone. And right now with all that is going on in the world, I don't really enjoy flying internationally.
4) I'm not good at being oncall 24-hours-7 days a week. When one is the Client Manager of a 24x7 help desk, one is on call that often. I received a few too many 3:00AM calls on a Saturday.
5) I'm not good at uncertainty. I was given a layoff notice one Tuesday and had an interview the following Wednesday. I need predictability.
6) I'm not good at working a job that doesn't really need me. I've been able to blog because I've had no work to do. I don't do well with no work.
7) It IS about the money. I always thought it wasn't about the money for me, and it probably isn't to the extent that it is for my husband as an example. But while I was not getting paid, I realized it is at least in some small part about the money.
8) I'm not good about long commutes. As I've spent over 2 hours a day/5 days a week in my car for the last 6 months, I realize that my time with my children is too precious for that.
9) I'm not good at sitting all day. I've gained 20 pounds since starting the new job and I do not like it.
10) I can trust God and he will help my situation. This is perhaps the most important lesson of them all.
And the Bad News....
The new job will actually be work. I'm trying to work on blogging at night when I get home, and hopefully I will be able to, with some regularity, but I don't think it will be 5 days/week. :(
1) I'm not good at being a stay at home mom. I love my kids, and enjoy spending time with them, but I guess I have worked for too long, I need a packed schedule and a feeling of accomplishment. Clean clothes does not give me a feeling of accomplishment.
2) I'm not good at turning around problem clients, when I'm not 100% knowledgeable. My first job after my failed sahm experiment was a Client Manager for an outsourced Help desk. The Client was brutal. The Help Desk was in Bulgaria. I was not a good peacemaker in that situation.
3) I'm not good at being a world traveller. I don't like leaving my family for weeks at a time and being in a place that is 7 hours ahead of my family's time zone. And right now with all that is going on in the world, I don't really enjoy flying internationally.
4) I'm not good at being oncall 24-hours-7 days a week. When one is the Client Manager of a 24x7 help desk, one is on call that often. I received a few too many 3:00AM calls on a Saturday.
5) I'm not good at uncertainty. I was given a layoff notice one Tuesday and had an interview the following Wednesday. I need predictability.
6) I'm not good at working a job that doesn't really need me. I've been able to blog because I've had no work to do. I don't do well with no work.
7) It IS about the money. I always thought it wasn't about the money for me, and it probably isn't to the extent that it is for my husband as an example. But while I was not getting paid, I realized it is at least in some small part about the money.
8) I'm not good about long commutes. As I've spent over 2 hours a day/5 days a week in my car for the last 6 months, I realize that my time with my children is too precious for that.
9) I'm not good at sitting all day. I've gained 20 pounds since starting the new job and I do not like it.
10) I can trust God and he will help my situation. This is perhaps the most important lesson of them all.
And the Bad News....
The new job will actually be work. I'm trying to work on blogging at night when I get home, and hopefully I will be able to, with some regularity, but I don't think it will be 5 days/week. :(
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